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time capsule 2012
THE TIME CAPSULE MEME year 2012 ♡ make yourself a thread so your friends can leave you messages with their thoughts about you, their wishes for you for next year, etcetera. ♡ you can also leave yourself a message... anything that you can look back on next year and reminisce about. ♡ on january 8th, 2013, this post will be set to private and put away. in december of 2013, it will be re-opened and then you can look through your old comments from the year before and do with them what you will. ♡ previous years' capsules can be found here. |
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2012 you is disappointed in yourself for a lot of things. Academically speaking, you've done better, but you're starting to slack again. You have a ton of readings you have to go through and you have barely started. You've let too many opportunities pass you by and you regret then forget and tell yourself that it doesn't matter when in fact, it really does.
That writing contest you want to join, right now you're thinking of not joining again. Please tell me you joined. I hope you win something. But you won't win if you wouldn't even attempt to try.
Please stop setting aside your dreams because you're too lazy or you think that more opportunities are yet to come. That may be true but if you continue like this even opportunities would be tired of you.
I am certainly tired of you now.
I sound really depressed because WE STILL DON'T HAVE ELECTRICITY IT'S BEEN TEN MINUTES. I want to rant out but okay let me do this properly.
Okay this is it:
Right now I am feeling uncharacteristically down. I don't know if it's a bad omen that it's dark all around that it will be so for the rest of the year. But as I am a mental optimist I would like to think otherwise.
But maybe this darkness can symbolize something else. Something that I can't put into words.
You are afraid, aren't you?
You are afraid for the future. Your classmates seem to have their lives planned out in front of them, that they're following some sort of manual in life that you have yet to receive, while you are still stumbling along trying to find that yellow brick road to success or something. This is not Oz, but this isn't a TV show either. Everyone else is struggling; some may seem to have easier ways than you do (ie money, better education, better chance in life, dastardly good looks, love life which you still don't have haha, or whatever) but believe that life is never easy, just less difficult in varying levels.
I don't know why I sound like I'm writing a story but okay.
You are afraid of not being good enough.
Dear, in that mind set, you are never ever going to be good enough. You know in yourself that you really do fake being confident just to build a wall around you and not show the people around you that you have a weakness. This is not third year high school in a classroom, in the middle of a ring of silent indifferent bullies. There are bigger bullies out there when you get out of the academic institution (or maybe you're going to study masterals just to escape reality further?). Stop trying to pretend that you're good at something you're not, or judging people because you think you can do better than they do. You need to be as humble as you show you are, because sometimes I really get tired of how silently judgemental you can become about other people, and yourself. Particularly yourself.
You are afraid that you are going to end up an old maid or something.
Dude, you're 18, not 80. You are not ugly (in my refusal to think myself as anything close to pretty, I can say that I am at least not hideous-looking), you're tall (so stop slouching and being self-conscious when people look at you. Not all of them think you look like a monster.), and you're not that horrible personality-wise. You're a pretty good person, and you don't have to rush yourself to find ~the one~. You don't have to force yourself to like anyone either. Let your heart be free (but not too free, though I trust you're still scared of the concept of kissing somebody you don't like for you to be promiscuous) to choose who to like, though I must say your "type" is getting pretty old; seriously, self? Must you have a crush on your guy friends (well not all of them but okay you get my point?????) all the time? or. Uhm. Ugh how do I say this.
Stop thinking that there's something there when there is not. It hurts and maybe you ~think~ you have a chance but unless he says it directly you should stop stressing yourself about it. I hope you stop catching yourself daydreaming about your what-could-have-been relationship if you ever get together. You are being unnecessarily stupid. But what is logic and reason against love, right? I just hope you stop pining for the wrong people. Or if you still are, I hope they become the right people. You deserve to be happy. Don't let what happened to your family/parents be the guide to what you're going to be. You already know the consequences of hurting someone, so try not to do it again. And just. Please. Stop overthinking and hurting yourself emotionally.
Or I dunno, just find a new crush that's not as destructive (cough FANDOM FEELS cough)
It's almost 1AM and yes you still have no electricity.
Let's play twenty questions.
Sooooo, now that you're reading this, how has your 2013 been? Are you still losing sleep over... stuff? You've been (unhealthily) losing weight because of overfatigue but please learn to take better care of yourself better! You have a lot of dreams to live out and you WILL make them come true!!! So hang in there immune system!!! :D
Have you become more ~girly~? I dunno, I'm curious since you STILL haven't touched the make-up you got as gifts from your 18th circa Day 1 of 365 of 2013. You've taken interest in dressing up but have you become more... I dunno, hygienic? (that sounded like you don't take a bath).
You've done your OJT summer of your third year. Where did you choose to apply and consequently get accepted? Were you able to go through with your plan of applying for an OJT in Singapore or that was all talk or whatever? What have you planned to do with your life? I know you want to do writing but have you really decided where to write for? It's a huge step I know but you can do it. You like Advertising enough and you feel passionate about it, and you find scriptwriting stressful because of TOMCAT people but you still love dramas and movies (thank you Japanese influence) and you want to influence somebody like that... but let's see what you have to say when you read this again. Maybe you can apply for Johnny's and be an assistant producer or something HAHAHAHA (but seriously, you are considering this. Better get serious about JLPT and stuff).
You're done with your second to the last semester in your university career, and you're now on the last leg of your university journey............... OMG dude, you're graduating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Three months away from graduation. OMG I hope at least you can be a laude. OTL never before have you wanted to graduate with Latin honors. It's kinda impossible to be suma or magna but if you can be a laude then I will give you an overall pat on the back and a hug because HEY YOU ACTUALLY DID IT. If not then I HOPE YOU DON'T FAIL ANYTHING ELSE. OMG no singko please self I will not forgive you for slacking THAT MUCH. You don't have math anymore, DO YOUR BEST ONEGAISHIMASU.
I'm proud that you have promised yourself to write everyday. You tend to sound repetitive at times and you need to work on your narration and ~find your writing style~ but you'll discover who you are and be proud of it, I'm sure. You'll get the world to know of your worlds, I'm sure of that.
You've picked up photography and fell in love with it more after those first moments when you took pictures with your N70 camera phone. Now you have a ~proper~ camera. Have you joined more contests? Have your skills leveled up? I hope you love it more~
And you're blogging more often. I'm proud of you for that. Well not regular still but at least you don't disappear for half a year or so. Your LJ has become a sad place that you only use for famgirling but your Dreamwidth has taken up the position of being your feels blog when it's too private for a lot of people but your writing comm is thriving enough. Your Tumblr needs updating. Your Blogspot is shaping up nicely, keep up the good work *u*
And Twitter. How does one forget. You can thank the microblogging spot for just about everbody that wrote in your thread here.
You consider them your real friends; people who don't need anything from you but communication (and the occasional barrage of feels) and your are there. Just don't forget your other friends too *u* You're strangely antisocial to your college batch (well to some of them anyway) but even if they make you feel like you don't belong, just stand your ground. You deserve to be here as much as they do.
What else do I say?
Love yourself~ (insert YamaNade theme song here) . I dunno, I feel like you don't like yourself that much.
You're 19 years old now. Do your best in life. I'm proud of you.
I guess this is it for 2012. Welcome 2013 with awesomeness, and I hope when this year ends and you read this again you can look back with a smile.
This sounds more loose than what you wrote for 2011 but it's kinda nice. It actually sounds like you and not like you're trying to impress somebody else. Which is good, because it's one step to being more honest with yourself.
There are people who love you. Always remember that, because you are a person who deserves that.
Ganbaretsugo! Hade ni ikuze 8Db