okay katy listen up. stuff sucks right now but you're like halfway through it. you can make it through the other half. really, you can. and by the time you (um, I??) read this, you (I...) will have made it through that crappy ass time.
anyways, yeah this sounds like false bravado. and it's not. because you are someone who can be weak and scared when it's your deal - trust me, i know myself pretty well. normally this only kicks in when you need to help someone out, but hey i'm helping myself out with this, right? apparently it works if i talk to a future me, too. so yeah you should know that at the time of writing this, you felt fucking awesome and empowered and shit despite having a ton of stress and gross crap happening just because i was reminded that the future me - you - will make it through this crap.
so when you read this (not if, unless dreamwidth implodes i guess) you better be happy. you'll be a twenty-two year old badass (okay, maybe not badass but cool come on) who survived the Shitty Winter Of 2012.
let's talk about other things, huh. this year has by far been the hardest yet. i've wasted a lot of our life. i can fully admit that and yeah it sucks, wah wah wah, and damn seriously, i know i screwed myself for my future and i am going to fix it. i've had some crappy freakouts about being useless and a waste of space but hey, i'm sticking that out. i have moments where i'm so scared of everything that i don't want to move and yet i ask myself "DUDE WHAT ARE YOU SCARED OF??" and i can't answer that. there's no real answer.
january wasn't bad. except that i ended up wasting so much money on things that were lied to me about. old news. i'll repay my family for their understanding somehow. april hurt. i had to put everything into perspective. august was miserable. i whined a lot because i hate the heat but yeah, since it's -30c out right now i would love that heat back. our moving has been shitty since july. plans. ah. at this point i just don't care. i want to leave this place.
by the time you read this, it will be better. this situation cannot get any worse. there is no way that it could get any shittier, so anything from now on can only get much better.
MAN THIS IS LONG AND GROSS but tl;dr self, you will be okay and in the new year you will be a much better person. or at the least, you'll have tried to be better.
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anyways, yeah this sounds like false bravado. and it's not. because you are someone who can be weak and scared when it's your deal - trust me, i know myself pretty well. normally this only kicks in when you need to help someone out, but hey i'm helping myself out with this, right? apparently it works if i talk to a future me, too. so yeah you should know that at the time of writing this, you felt fucking awesome and empowered and shit despite having a ton of stress and gross crap happening just because i was reminded that the future me - you - will make it through this crap.
so when you read this (not if, unless dreamwidth implodes i guess) you better be happy. you'll be a twenty-two year old badass (okay, maybe not badass but cool come on) who survived the Shitty Winter Of 2012.
let's talk about other things, huh. this year has by far been the hardest yet. i've wasted a lot of our life. i can fully admit that and yeah it sucks, wah wah wah, and damn seriously, i know i screwed myself for my future and i am going to fix it. i've had some crappy freakouts about being useless and a waste of space but hey, i'm sticking that out. i have moments where i'm so scared of everything that i don't want to move and yet i ask myself "DUDE WHAT ARE YOU SCARED OF??" and i can't answer that. there's no real answer.
january wasn't bad. except that i ended up wasting so much money on things that were lied to me about. old news. i'll repay my family for their understanding somehow. april hurt. i had to put everything into perspective. august was miserable. i whined a lot because i hate the heat but yeah, since it's -30c out right now i would love that heat back. our moving has been shitty since july. plans. ah. at this point i just don't care. i want to leave this place.
by the time you read this, it will be better. this situation cannot get any worse. there is no way that it could get any shittier, so anything from now on can only get much better.
MAN THIS IS LONG AND GROSS but tl;dr self, you will be okay and in the new year you will be a much better person. or at the least, you'll have tried to be better.
love, 2012 katy